I hear you moving. The quietest sound coming from your bassinet wakes me up. I love having you next to me. A quick peak tells me you're fine, just stirring. Your tiny feet have broken free of your swaddle. I fall back asleep. Next it's a quiet talk, low and guttural. I check the clock, 1:45 AM. Too early. I pop your binky in and close my eyes. Three more times I put your binky back in and attempt sleep.
Now, the chomping. You sound like a dinosaur going at your hand, quite literally saying 'nom, nom, nom' while you chew, suck, slobber. I check the clock. 2:15. I slowly pull myself to a sitting position, reach over the walls of your bassinet where, when we make eye contact, I'm greeted with a sleepy grin. I pull you to me, breathe in the smell of your head, your check, the crook of your neck. This makes it all worth it. The smell and the warmth and the weight of you makes any hour a decent one.
You nurse as we both drift off. I somehow manage to burp you, change sides, burp again and re-swaddle. I kiss your head for the one millionth time, and lay you back in your bassinet. You don't make so much as a peep.
In three hours we'll do it all over again.
Some nights, as I lay there, exhausted and falling asleep, I wonder how I'll do it. I'm so tired that I'm afraid I wont be able or even want to wake up to feed you. But it never happens. Even though its hard to sit up to feed, even though I barely sty awake while you eat, it never frustrates me. I'm never angry and I don't even wish you were still asleep.
Because I know.
I know it wont be much longer that you'll be sleeping beside me. It wont be much longer that we'll get to cuddle, in the darkness of the dead of night. I know it wont be much longer until you don't fit so perfectly against my naked chest, 'til you're sleeping through the night, no longer breastfeeding.
The second time you wake to eat, I don't put you back in your bassinet. Instead, I hold you nestled in my arm, pressed against my chest while we both sleep for a couple more hours. This started out of necessity for sleep on my part, since you would rarely go back to sleep a second time unless you were held, cuddled up against me. Now I'm not sure if it's more for me or for you.
Our nights aren't full of the best sleep. They're short and choppy, sometimes downright restless. But they're our nights and I wouldn't change them for a thing.
**Sorry about the dark and blurry pictures. They were taken at night/early morning, and as you can imagine, its pretty dark. I lightened them a bit in Photoshop so you can at least see them a bit :)**
Dear Reagan,
Two months old! Can you believe it? It's funny how when we were two months away from your due date, it felt as though it might as well be eternity. Now, though, as we sit two months after you arrived it feels as though it has only been seconds. Every day you move further and further away from the newborn stage and closer and closer to being a regular old, bonefide baby! I know it's entirely cliche', but I truly love you more and more each day. It's weird how it works. I feel entirely consumed with love for you, bursting at the seams and gritting my teeth in a lame attempt to contain the feeling I get by just looking at you, yet some how the next day I love you even more. I certainly haven't tired of you. We're together literally every second of every day (save for (some) bathroom breaks and me leaving you with Grandma while your Auntie Jilly and I fanned the flame of our silly Twilight addiction and ran off to see Eclipse...) and I still can't get enough of you.
This last month was a big one! You got to meet almost everyone on daddy's side of the family after taking a SUPER long road trip (around 20 hours each way) down to Galt and Concord, California in your fifth week of life. You did amazingly well and complained far less than your father and I. We only had four days, but everyone just soaked up your sweet baby lovin'.
You and I then left daddy for a whole week (which he was very sad about) so we could celebrate Aunt Jillian graduating high school. While on the west side of the state you met TONS more people who love and care about you, too! You are one VERY loved little girl!
Your schedule really hasn't changed much. You still nurse every two hours throughout the day, and sleep for four to five hours during the night. Your schedule isn't so much of a time thing, though, as it is a pattern; you eat, you play, you sleep. Eat, play, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. Because of this you are pretty darn predictable, and it's easy to keep you happy so long as you're full and you've had a good nap. A nice, long nap is the difference between my sweet baby Reagan and Reagan rage. Don't feel bad, though. You're mommy is a monster, too, when I don't get enough sleep. :)
The discovery of the swing has helped you and I both. You haven't cared much for the swing until these last few weeks. It is a wonderful place for a nap because I am able to get a few things done and you are able to sleep better, thus longer, while it keeps a'swingin'. Even if a loud noise wakes you up, it usually lulls you back to sleep. You still almost always have to be rocked to sleep in my arms, but more and more often you're able to drift off by yourself in the swing. Progress!
You are still absolutely in love with your play mat, where you spend about 20 minutes a few times a day after you eat. You're still in awe of the hanging, striped elephant, but the goofy looking monkey is coming in at a close second. You have started reaching for both, and it is quite funny to watch because you still have very little coordination. But practice makes perfect and practice you do! More so than either plush animal, however, you love looking at that adorable baby in the mirror that hangs above you. Laying and smiling and cooing at yourself in that mirror keeps your attention longer than anything but eating. I can't get enough of watching you smile and talk to yourself. It is the sweetest thing known to man.
Somehow even sweeter, though, than you smiling and cooing to yourself? You smiling and cooing to your Mama. I melt into a pile of mush right onto the floor every time you smile at me. And you are quite the smiler. When you're happy, you are happy. Nothing isn't funny enough to receive a giant, toothless grin. When you really get to smilin', you start making these guttural sounds with your open mouthed grins that is clearly the beginning stages of laughing. And then I die a million deaths. And just to up the ante, in the last few days you have started reaching for my face. And you might as well be saying 'I love you Mommy' by the look on your face and your hand touching mine and then I just lose it and die all over again. This being a mommy thing sure is something else.
Smiles and all, you have become a better communicator. Either that or we have become better translators. It is pretty easy for us to figure out what you want, especially since you are really only fussy whenever you need or want something. If your butt's dry, you belly full and you aren't too hot or tired (you HATE being hot, and fight sleep with the best of 'em) you are a smiling, cooing, happy camper; emphasis on the cooing! You have inherited your mother's ability to talk; and talk, and talk and talk. You absolutely love holding conversations and really get a thrill out of it when we repeat back to you what you said.
We have produced quite the mommy's girl. Don't get me wrong; you LOVE your daddy. He can calm you down in seconds when you're upset and you're pretty convinced he's one of the funnier things in life. But when you're really sad, when your belly hurts or the hiccups annoy you, nothing but mommy does the trick. Nothing is wrong in the world when you settle down and snuggle into my neck. My heart can hardly take it.
You are growing in leaps and bounds. At six and a half weeks, you weighed in at 9 pounds 4.5 ounces and 23 inches long. At seven and a half weeks, exactly seven days later, you weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds even ad 24 inches long. You gained almost 12 ounces and a whole inch in a mere seven days! You are hovering just above the 25th percentile for weight and are sitting pretty in the 80th percentile for height. Our tall, skinny girl!
And what about me? I with all honesty can say I am throughly enjoying my wonderful, underpaid yet over rewarded, new job. I want nothing more than to snuggle, play, and feed you throughout the day. I can't imagine not being with you every minute and feel so incredibly blessed and loved that Rob is able and willing to singularly provide for our family so you and I can hang out all day long. We're a couple of pretty lucky girls to have such an incredible daddy and husband.
I still can't believe I get to be your mommy. Forever. Nothing can ever change that. Ever. You have completely stolen my heart.
I sure love you baby girl. Happy two months!
Love,
Your Mommy
PS- Your ever lovin' bum is finally big enough for your tree huggin' mama to put cloth diapers on! Wahoo!
Your Favorite Things:
1.) Your Play Mat. You absolutely love just hanging out on your back on your play mat.
2.) Mirrors. I realize you have no idea it's you you're looking at, but you absolutely LOVE staring at mirrors; on your play mat and in the car you constantly stare at the mirror.
3.) Moving. You LOVE when Daddy flies you like an airplane (and your doctor says its good for your neck!) and if you're fussy a good bouncing on the lap can usually calm you down.
4.) Football hold. Daddy has perfected it, and rarely does it not work. He holds you like a football with your face towards the floor and his arm across your belly and you sit happy, content, and usually drooling.
5.) Music. We go deaf in the car, not because of your screaming, but because you like the music to be on and loud. When I sing to you while changing your diaper you almost always smile and coo back at me.
6.) Sitting. You LOVE sitting up. One of your favorite positions currently is propped up against the couch cushions so you're sitting like a big girl! (Like in the diaper picture, above.)
7.) Books. It's kind of weird how attentive you are to books. You love to sit and analyze the pictures, but your favorite one BY FAR is your black and white book from Aunt Lindsay. You will sit and stare at that for minutes on end, cooing and smiling at the pictures. You absolutely love it!
I hear you moving. The quietest sound coming from your bassinet wakes me up. I love having you next to me. A quick peak tells me you're fine, just stirring. Your tiny feet have broken free of your swaddle. I fall back asleep. Next it's a quiet talk, low and guttural. I check the clock, 1:45 AM. Too early. I pop your binky in and close my eyes. Three more times I put your binky back in and attempt sleep.
Now, the chomping. You sound like a dinosaur going at your hand, quite literally saying 'nom, nom, nom' while you chew, suck, slobber. I check the clock. 2:15. I slowly pull myself to a sitting position, reach over the walls of your bassinet where, when we make eye contact, I'm greeted with a sleepy grin. I pull you to me, breathe in the smell of your head, your check, the crook of your neck. This makes it all worth it. The smell and the warmth and the weight of you makes any hour a decent one.
You nurse as we both drift off. I somehow manage to burp you, change sides, burp again and re-swaddle. I kiss your head for the one millionth time, and lay you back in your bassinet. You don't make so much as a peep.
Some nights, as I lay there, exhausted and falling asleep, I wonder how I'll do it. I'm so tired that I'm afraid I wont be able or even want to wake up to feed you. But it never happens. Even though its hard to sit up to feed, even though I barely sty awake while you eat, it never frustrates me. I'm never angry and I don't even wish you were still asleep.
I know it wont be much longer that you'll be sleeping beside me. It wont be much longer that we'll get to cuddle, in the darkness of the dead of night. I know it wont be much longer until you don't fit so perfectly against my naked chest, 'til you're sleeping through the night, no longer breastfeeding.
The second time you wake to eat, I don't put you back in your bassinet. Instead, I hold you nestled in my arm, pressed against my chest while we both sleep for a couple more hours. This started out of necessity for sleep on my part, since you would rarely go back to sleep a second time unless you were held, cuddled up against me. Now I'm not sure if it's more for me or for you.
