Sometime over the last week or so, we woke up with a new child.
It has been fairly easy to see the changes in Reagan from when we first brought her home. The smiling, the cooing, the more focused eye contact. But today we have an entirely different child than the first Reagan we met 3 months ago. Heck, we have an entirely different child than the Reagan we knew a couple weeks ago.
Reagan has become intentional.
Intentional is the best way to describe it. Before, she would randomly bat at toys, and whenever something touched her hand she would grab it. Now, she reaches out with the intention to grab. She grabs hanging toys, toys just laying next to her, blankets, clothes, hair (ouch), hands. Yesterday she tried to grab the water streaming from the shower head. She tries to reach out and touch the dogs. (They aren't too sure about this new trick and back away most times) She will roll to grab a toy on the ground that's within reach. She reaches for and grabs my face while nursing. And everything she grabs always goes straight. to. her. mouth.
Suddenly, she finds things funny. And she cracks up over them. She used to make a low, guttural sound that was pretty clearly a laugh but we woke up on our 2nd anniversary (8/16/10) and she was busting a gut. (Pretty sweet anniversary present from a 3 month old, eh?) See?
Then, she decided she would have no more of tummy time when she didn't want it, and on August 18th, she up and rolled over. Every. single. time. that we put her on her belly, she'd flop right back onto her back. She is entirely capable of going back to belly, too. But she loathes her belly so much, that I'm fairly certain she just doesn't want to.
If anything within eye sight moves, she follows it. The dogs bounding (naughtily) around the couches. Daddy walking into the room. Bringing food from your plate to your mouth. Cars on the road. Even your lips as they move to talk. Anything moving, and she is locked on.
And then, to top everything and just blow us entirely out of the water, the morning of the 23rd, in my constant attempt to get her to smile and giggle, I was 'blowing bubbles' or 'raspberries' or whatever you want to call it when you vibrate your lips together. And then she did it back to me. My mom and I thought it was a fluke until she did it over and over and over. At first she was concentrating so hard, would sometimes forget to let the air through her lips, or her tounge would escape. But she got a pretty good handle on it and we spent the rest of the day spitting at each other. And now, she'll catch your eye and blow bubbles. It is her new trick and she (and her parents) are very proud of it. (And oh how the drool flows while she does it!)
It is so fun and exciting to watch her learn to interact with her environment. This whole growing up thing really works!
People ask if I can believe it has already been two years since that gorgeous, hot day in August when we pledged our love. And while I still remember our wedding day like it was yesterday, I find it hard to believe it's only been two years. I feel like we have always been a part of eachother, not to mention we have packed more things into the last two years than some do in a lifetime.
All I know is I'm looking forward to many, many more years with this man.
I love you, sweet boy. Through sickness, health and just so-so days. For better or for worse. Through being rich, poor, or middle class.Through your faults and mine. Always.
A special thanks to our amazingly kind and thoughtful daughter who blessed us with some of the best gifts this world has to offer. All today, our three month old began cracking up loud and often while we made fools of ourselves copying her. She also gave us a whole two hours, from feeding to feeding, of quiet, content play time on her mat which allowed her Daddy and I some quality, uninterrupted time together. We could hardly believe how long she played by herself. Then to top it all off, she fell asleep on my shoulder without an iota of fuss. That is unheard of. Thanks, Reagan. :)
You're three months old today, and I am afraid I'm forgetting how small you were. Yes, yes, I know, you're still only three months old. You're still tiny and wiggly and warm. But I know you were smaller and I'm already struggling to remember it. And that stings a little.
People always say "I can't believe (enter child) is (enter age) already! Where did the time go? Just yesterday..." But I think it's a lie. And until now I could be accused of it myself. But today I realized I can't believe you are only three months old. I feel like you have been here forever. Like for as long as I've been, so have you. That you and Daddy and I have never been separate. Like we are one unit; who has always been and will always be. You just fit so well with us that there are no cracks or space between telling of what used to be. Life without a baby, without you, though only experienced three months ago, is an eternity away. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
You are literally changing daily. One day you began spastically reaching for dangling toys, and today you effortlessly (though very proudly) bat and grab and chew on them.The chew is very recent, and you still haven't quite perfected it. But whenever you grab something, it makes its way towards your mouth. Clothes, blankets, toys, fingers, hair...you name it, it's mouth bound. You actually being able to play is very exciting to me. For selfish reasons, you play in your jumperoo or on your mat for longer periods of time, allowing me to get some things done. But also because I love that you're able to do something. That you have moved passed the sitting and starring blankly to being able to interact with your environment and enjoy it! I am highly anticipating watching you become even more able to play and (gasp!) move around! (Many people gave me the advice to not ever wish movement upon you. But I cannot allow myself to be that selfish. I know you are going to LOVE being able to get where you want to go!)
Speaking of moving, we haven't achieved roll over quite yet. But you are certainly getting close. You are only happy on your belly for minutes at a time, but you are definitely starting to get your muscles working with you. From your back, you can roll to your side. This is your new favorite way to sleep. As soon as I lay you down, usually swaddled, for night you grunt and groan and thrash about until you're poor little head is thrown back, but SUCCESS! You manage to get on your side. Also on your back, you can spin in circles. We'll lay you on your play mat, only to find you minutes later in an entirely different position than we placed you in. I realize this is entirely unintentional, you just don't. ever. stop. moving. You kick and flail and kick and wiggle and kick and arch and kick and kick and kick. And all that movement literally propels you around the floor.
Sleep is somewhat of a sore subject. You take beautiful and sweet to whole new levels while you sleep, but while you're getting there you give Reagan Rage an honest meaning. You fight and fight and fight sleep. It can make for some very frustrating times. Especially because once you have actually fallen asleep (which, of course, you had to be rocked and sung to to get there) you don't want to be put down. Which eliminates naps as a break for me and makes getting anything done besides loving on you (which is my favorite thing anyways) absolutely, sometimes frustratingly, impossible. You have still remained a pretty good nighttime sleeper, rarely fighting sleep at bedtime, but in the last few weeks you have begun waking up twice in the night instead of your typical one time. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I truly don't mind getting up to feed you. But I wouldn't complain about a little more sleep either.
You have achieved the oh-so-typical baby bald spot right smack in the middle of the back of your head. Your hair, or lack there of, in general these days is kind of goofy looking. You have very little on top, some longish hair in the back towards the top, a bald spot, then more longish hair on the bottom in the back. It's a little funky but you manage to pull it off and still look completely adorable, of course.
Over the last few weeks I had been saying I think you finally had gotten some chunk in your cheeks. From day one you have been a little baby. Very petite with small, feminine features. You remained steadfast in the 25th percentile for weight and were just downright little. Don't get me wrong, you are still a pretty little baby. But in a mere 12 weeks, you gained over 5 pounds! That is just crazy to me. At 12 1/2 weeks, you weighed in at 12 pounds 4 ounces! You took a giant leap from the 25th straight up to the 50th percentile for weight! It is hard to believe, though, because you still look like such a little peanut. But a little peanut with some chunk in her cheeks.
Your Daddy and I truly cannot get enough of you. You have begun laughing in a more understandable way (you used to make this low, guttural sound that was clearly you attempting a laugh) and it is the most joyful sound on earth. You usually do it quite a few times in a row, so we're thinking you like the sound of it too.
Reagan, Reagan, Reagan. I knew I was going to love being a mother. I think everyone who knows me knew I would love it. But it is drastically different, amazingly better, and offers more incredible rewards than I could have ever imagined. I thought I knew what love was. And I did, to an extent. Your Daddy and I are giddy in love. But it is an entirely different ball game, the love I have for you. And I hope to God I can show you how immensely, how deeply, I love you. I hope you will never be without that knowledge. And I'm sure at times I will fail. Just know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make me love you more or less. I am so completely enamored by you and this love you have grown within me. Nothing can ever change that.
To the moon and back, my sweet girl.
-Your Mommy
Your Favorite Things
Your Puppies. I didn't realize you would take notice to them so quickly, but ohmygoodness you love those crazy beasts. You can sit and stare at them for minutes on end, and anytime one of them comes up to you you are all grins. Bella especially loves you, constantly wanting to give you kisses until Mommy or Daddy yells at her to stop. Baylee procures the most smiles, though. Probably because she's so goofy looking.
Your play mat. You still absolutely love this thing. However, looking at the pretty baby in the mirror no longer receives most of the attention. Now, trying to fit as much of that hanging lion in your mouth as possible occupies your time.
Water. You LOVE being in water. You shower with me almost daily and you love being under the flow of water. Even when it goes directly on your head and over your face you are as happy as can be. You most definitely take after Mama in this regard.
Your car seat frog toy. Holy cow you love that thing. It is one of the toys that really enticed you to start reaching for things initially. You will sit there and spin and spin and spin those silly toys! You sometimes even complain when the music turns off. Teaching you to press that button is one of the first things on my to-do list.
She fights sleep. Always has. I'm afraid she always will.
Sometimes I can't wait for naptime.
For some time to get things I need to get done. Some time to get things I want to get done.
As I rock my tired baby, I sit and contemplate these things.
While she fights.
I sometimes beg her out loud to give in. "Sleep, baby girl. You are exhausted. You'll be much happier after a good, long nap. And Mama can get some things done. A win, win."
She eventually gives in. At least she usually does.
And she is still.
And I sit there watching her, and think about the dishwasher that needs emptying.
And refilling.
The floors that need mopping.
And the toilets that need scrubbing.
I think about the list of thank-you notes I still have to write.
And the stack of medical bills I need to pay.
I watch her chest rise and fall.
And listen to the sound of each breath.
I remember the calls I have to return.
The laundry thats piled high.
And the dinner I promised to make.
I kiss her head.
I run my hand across her cheek.
Then I lay down beside her and breathe in her scent..
I hear you moving. The quietest sound coming from your bassinet wakes me up. I love having you next to me. A quick peak tells me you're fine, just stirring. Your tiny feet have broken free of your swaddle. I fall back asleep. Next it's a quiet talk, low and guttural. I check the clock, 1:45 AM. Too early. I pop your binky in and close my eyes. Three more times I put your binky back in and attempt sleep.
Now, the chomping. You sound like a dinosaur going at your hand, quite literally saying 'nom, nom, nom' while you chew, suck, slobber. I check the clock. 2:15. I slowly pull myself to a sitting position, reach over the walls of your bassinet where, when we make eye contact, I'm greeted with a sleepy grin. I pull you to me, breathe in the smell of your head, your check, the crook of your neck. This makes it all worth it. The smell and the warmth and the weight of you makes any hour a decent one.
You nurse as we both drift off. I somehow manage to burp you, change sides, burp again and re-swaddle. I kiss your head for the one millionth time, and lay you back in your bassinet. You don't make so much as a peep.
In three hours we'll do it all over again.
Some nights, as I lay there, exhausted and falling asleep, I wonder how I'll do it. I'm so tired that I'm afraid I wont be able or even want to wake up to feed you. But it never happens. Even though its hard to sit up to feed, even though I barely sty awake while you eat, it never frustrates me. I'm never angry and I don't even wish you were still asleep.
Because I know.
I know it wont be much longer that you'll be sleeping beside me. It wont be much longer that we'll get to cuddle, in the darkness of the dead of night. I know it wont be much longer until you don't fit so perfectly against my naked chest, 'til you're sleeping through the night, no longer breastfeeding.
The second time you wake to eat, I don't put you back in your bassinet. Instead, I hold you nestled in my arm, pressed against my chest while we both sleep for a couple more hours. This started out of necessity for sleep on my part, since you would rarely go back to sleep a second time unless you were held, cuddled up against me. Now I'm not sure if it's more for me or for you.
Our nights aren't full of the best sleep. They're short and choppy, sometimes downright restless. But they're our nights and I wouldn't change them for a thing.
**Sorry about the dark and blurry pictures. They were taken at night/early morning, and as you can imagine, its pretty dark. I lightened them a bit in Photoshop so you can at least see them a bit :)**
Dear Reagan,
Two months old! Can you believe it? It's funny how when we were two months away from your due date, it felt as though it might as well be eternity. Now, though, as we sit two months after you arrived it feels as though it has only been seconds. Every day you move further and further away from the newborn stage and closer and closer to being a regular old, bonefide baby! I know it's entirely cliche', but I truly love you more and more each day. It's weird how it works. I feel entirely consumed with love for you, bursting at the seams and gritting my teeth in a lame attempt to contain the feeling I get by just looking at you, yet some how the next day I love you even more. I certainly haven't tired of you. We're together literally every second of every day (save for (some) bathroom breaks and me leaving you with Grandma while your Auntie Jilly and I fanned the flame of our silly Twilight addiction and ran off to see Eclipse...) and I still can't get enough of you.
This last month was a big one! You got to meet almost everyone on daddy's side of the family after taking a SUPER long road trip (around 20 hours each way) down to Galt and Concord, California in your fifth week of life. You did amazingly well and complained far less than your father and I. We only had four days, but everyone just soaked up your sweet baby lovin'.
You and I then left daddy for a whole week (which he was very sad about) so we could celebrate Aunt Jillian graduating high school. While on the west side of the state you met TONS more people who love and care about you, too! You are one VERY loved little girl!
Your schedule really hasn't changed much. You still nurse every two hours throughout the day, and sleep for four to five hours during the night. Your schedule isn't so much of a time thing, though, as it is a pattern; you eat, you play, you sleep. Eat, play, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. Because of this you are pretty darn predictable, and it's easy to keep you happy so long as you're full and you've had a good nap. A nice, long nap is the difference between my sweet baby Reagan and Reagan rage. Don't feel bad, though. You're mommy is a monster, too, when I don't get enough sleep. :)
The discovery of the swing has helped you and I both. You haven't cared much for the swing until these last few weeks. It is a wonderful place for a nap because I am able to get a few things done and you are able to sleep better, thus longer, while it keeps a'swingin'. Even if a loud noise wakes you up, it usually lulls you back to sleep. You still almost always have to be rocked to sleep in my arms, but more and more often you're able to drift off by yourself in the swing. Progress!
You are still absolutely in love with your play mat, where you spend about 20 minutes a few times a day after you eat. You're still in awe of the hanging, striped elephant, but the goofy looking monkey is coming in at a close second. You have started reaching for both, and it is quite funny to watch because you still have very little coordination. But practice makes perfect and practice you do! More so than either plush animal, however, you love looking at that adorable baby in the mirror that hangs above you. Laying and smiling and cooing at yourself in that mirror keeps your attention longer than anything but eating. I can't get enough of watching you smile and talk to yourself. It is the sweetest thing known to man.
Somehow even sweeter, though, than you smiling and cooing to yourself? You smiling and cooing to your Mama. I melt into a pile of mush right onto the floor every time you smile at me. And you are quite the smiler. When you're happy, you are happy. Nothing isn't funny enough to receive a giant, toothless grin. When you really get to smilin', you start making these guttural sounds with your open mouthed grins that is clearly the beginning stages of laughing. And then I die a million deaths. And just to up the ante, in the last few days you have started reaching for my face. And you might as well be saying 'I love you Mommy' by the look on your face and your hand touching mine and then I just lose it and die all over again. This being a mommy thing sure is something else.
Smiles and all, you have become a better communicator. Either that or we have become better translators. It is pretty easy for us to figure out what you want, especially since you are really only fussy whenever you need or want something. If your butt's dry, you belly full and you aren't too hot or tired (you HATE being hot, and fight sleep with the best of 'em) you are a smiling, cooing, happy camper; emphasis on the cooing! You have inherited your mother's ability to talk; and talk, and talk and talk. You absolutely love holding conversations and really get a thrill out of it when we repeat back to you what you said.
We have produced quite the mommy's girl. Don't get me wrong; you LOVE your daddy. He can calm you down in seconds when you're upset and you're pretty convinced he's one of the funnier things in life. But when you're really sad, when your belly hurts or the hiccups annoy you, nothing but mommy does the trick. Nothing is wrong in the world when you settle down and snuggle into my neck. My heart can hardly take it.
You are growing in leaps and bounds. At six and a half weeks, you weighed in at 9 pounds 4.5 ounces and 23 inches long. At seven and a half weeks, exactly seven days later, you weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds even ad 24 inches long. You gained almost 12 ounces and a whole inch in a mere seven days! You are hovering just above the 25th percentile for weight and are sitting pretty in the 80th percentile for height. Our tall, skinny girl!
And what about me? I with all honesty can say I am throughly enjoying my wonderful, underpaid yet over rewarded, new job. I want nothing more than to snuggle, play, and feed you throughout the day. I can't imagine not being with you every minute and feel so incredibly blessed and loved that Rob is able and willing to singularly provide for our family so you and I can hang out all day long. We're a couple of pretty lucky girls to have such an incredible daddy and husband.
I still can't believe I get to be your mommy. Forever. Nothing can ever change that. Ever. You have completely stolen my heart.
I sure love you baby girl. Happy two months!
Love,
Your Mommy
PS- Your ever lovin' bum is finally big enough for your tree huggin' mama to put cloth diapers on! Wahoo!
Your Favorite Things:
1.) Your Play Mat. You absolutely love just hanging out on your back on your play mat.
2.) Mirrors. I realize you have no idea it's you you're looking at, but you absolutely LOVE staring at mirrors; on your play mat and in the car you constantly stare at the mirror.
3.) Moving. You LOVE when Daddy flies you like an airplane (and your doctor says its good for your neck!) and if you're fussy a good bouncing on the lap can usually calm you down.
4.) Football hold. Daddy has perfected it, and rarely does it not work. He holds you like a football with your face towards the floor and his arm across your belly and you sit happy, content, and usually drooling.
5.) Music. We go deaf in the car, not because of your screaming, but because you like the music to be on and loud. When I sing to you while changing your diaper you almost always smile and coo back at me.
6.) Sitting. You LOVE sitting up. One of your favorite positions currently is propped up against the couch cushions so you're sitting like a big girl! (Like in the diaper picture, above.)
7.) Books. It's kind of weird how attentive you are to books. You love to sit and analyze the pictures, but your favorite one BY FAR is your black and white book from Aunt Lindsay. You will sit and stare at that for minutes on end, cooing and smiling at the pictures. You absolutely love it!
