Four Months

Four Months. An entire third of a year. Two more times of this and we'll be sitting around a table blowing out the candle on your first birthday cake.

And holy developmental leaps and bounds! A short while ago I wrote about how much you've changed, and the growing and learning just keeps coming. I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise because growing up seems to be the current trend, but it is somehow different with my own. Being in the midst of you changing and learning and growing every day makes it so much more thrilling, exciting and yet somehow unbelievable. Because yesterday I could gurgle and blow bubbles and dance around like a fool and you wouldn't give me a second glance, but today a simple funny sound sends you into a gut-wrenching laughing frenzy. 

You have finally moved to eating every three hours from every two. (Thank you, Lord!) It is amazing how much difference that one, measly hour makes. We used to schedule our days in two hour chunks, and now that we've moved to three I feel like we've been granted more hours in the day! So much more can get done. I have also become more comfortable with nursing in public (using my Hooter Hider, of course) which makes getting errands done more convenient. And you are so enamored with people watching, that you will go over four hours between meals if we are out and about because, "Look! A person! AH! Another one! And LOOK! A child! And walls and floors and shoes and heads and clothes and colors and movement and things and things and things!" You are an absolute joy and flirt with pretty much everyone we come into contact with.

We continue to create a long list of firsts, and this month has been no exception. You've knocked out all sorts of things, your first fair and 'pooping 36,000 feet about ground' included. We took you to the North Idaho Fair a couple weeks ago and oh. my. word. you were in love. I have never seen a baby your size laughing out loud at the animals until you. You thought the goats were the funniest thing in existence (save for your dog, Baylee.) The only animals you weren't so fond of were the Draft Horses, which, hello? Their heads were bigger than your entire bodies so I can't really blame you. You didn't really notice the bunnies and you were asleep by the reptiles and 'random critters' barns. You sat quietly on our laps throughout the entire hypnotist show, enamored with all of the people around us and on stage. Overall, the fair was a success!

And then the airplane ride. Dun, dun, dun. Actually, my dear, you were quite amazing. Our wonderful daughter, whom we can set our clocks to based on your every-other-afternoon poop schedule, decided you just had to go, on a non-poop day, at 5 in the morning, 36,000 feet about the ground. We were joking that the pressure change literally squeezed it right out of you. I'm sorry we made fun of your pooping. Truly, I am. Fortunately, we had the row to ourselves so I was able to change you on the seat next to me because I have absolutely no idea how one is supposed to change a baby in those phone booth sized bathrooms on board. You were on a total of four airplanes in three days and you couldn't have been better. The only time you got a little fussy, was for about 15, 20 minutes on the descend down into Seattle from Denver. And everyones ears were really bothered by that particular descent, so I don't blame you. We're so proud of our little traveler! 

In other traveling news, your car seat constantly tries to kill you. Or at least thats what you think it's doing. For some reason, you absolutely loathe it. Simply getting into the car, not even in your seat yet, elicits a giant frown, followed by explosive screaming. If we put your in your seat when it isn't in the car yet, the second your little bum touches it, explosive screaming. We joke that 'car seat' is a cuss word in this house. You seriously hate the thing and we can't figure out why. Let me tell you though, it makes us think twice about going out when we really don't need to. You've forced us to go green and conserve gas by getting everything done in one outing. :)

You are getting so ready to eat, and whenever you are close to us and our forks while we're eating, you lean in with your mouth wide open trying to take a bite. I had to take my burger to go from Red Robin yesterday because you refused to be put down, but every time I brought my burger to my mouth you took a giant handful out of it. You can already drink out of a cup (obviously with a TON of assistance and mess, but you know what to do...) as well as a straw. Anytime we're drinking anything you think you should have some too. Obviously, you've only had water and breastmilk but everything looks tasty to you!

You are officially a roller. Unless being well entertained, you refuse to be on your belly and you have the ability as well as knowledge of your ability, to flop over to your back. You are definitely very proud of this feat and while we're very excited for you to be able to move around better, we do slightly mourn the days of worry-less couch, bed and other elevated surface time. 

We are so absolutely enamored with you, it is kind of silly. The second you catch our eye, we're rewarded with a giant, toothless grin. When you're tired or feeling cuddly, you love to sit and play with our face with your unbelievably soft hands. And when we talk to you, you talk back in the sweetest, softest oohs, awws, and coos. You are too cute, sweet and lovable for words. 

I consider it a privilege and an honor to get to watch you grow up, let alone be called your Mommy. I love you so much, bug.

Love, Mommy

Your Favorite Things:

1.) Your Sippy Cup- Holy Spumoni Batman! You would think we put liquid drugs in that thing. I bought one one a whim, seeing how much you like to take sips of water out of our cups and it was (and is) a giant success! It is one that has a thick, rubber spout so I think more than anything you like how it feels when you gum it. But you definitely know how to get water out of it, and do so when you want to. Unfortaenly, you usually end up soaking your entire outfit, but Mommy and Daddy are getting smart and starting to put a bib on when you drink out of it!

2.) Your Puppies- They really are your favorite things. You hardly ever look at them without cracking up. When they're around, you wont look at anything but them. Whenever we're taking pictures (a common practice in our household) we usually have to put the dogs away so you'll look at the camera!

3.) Spoons- I suppose this goes along with loving your sippy cup and water, but you LOVE to drink/eat water off spoons. You will actually grab the spoon and put it in your mouth and then yell when we take it away since, you know, metal spoons really aren't the best play toy for a four month old.

4.) Pink Elephant- Your Great-Grandma and Grandpa bought you (actually let you pick out) this large, pink elephant that dances and sings the ABC song. You absolutely love this thing. You can be throwing a full-blown fit screaming and arching your back and we press the little button and that things starts singing and dancing and you are instantly happy. Which is all well and good except for the voice of the elephant is SO OBNOXIOUS.

A Different Child

Sometime over the last week or so, we woke up with a new child.

It has been fairly easy to see the changes in Reagan from when we first brought her home. The smiling, the cooing, the more focused eye contact. But today we have an entirely different child than the first Reagan we met 3 months ago. Heck, we have an entirely different child than the Reagan we knew a couple weeks ago.

Reagan has become intentional.

Intentional is the best way to describe it. Before, she would randomly bat at toys, and whenever something touched her hand she would grab it. Now, she reaches out with the intention to grab. She grabs hanging toys, toys just laying next to her, blankets, clothes, hair (ouch), hands. Yesterday she tried to grab the water streaming from the shower head. She tries to reach out and touch the dogs. (They aren't too sure about this new trick and back away most times) She will roll to grab a toy on the ground that's within reach. She reaches for and grabs my face while nursing. And everything she grabs always goes straight. to. her. mouth.

Suddenly, she finds things funny. And she cracks up over them. She used to make a low, guttural sound that was pretty clearly a laugh but we woke up on our 2nd anniversary (8/16/10) and she was busting a gut. (Pretty sweet anniversary present from a 3 month old, eh?) See?



Then, she decided she would have no more of tummy time when she didn't want it, and on August 18th, she up and rolled over. Every. single. time. that we put her on her belly, she'd flop right back onto her back. She is entirely capable of going back to belly, too. But she loathes her belly so much, that I'm fairly certain she just doesn't want to.

If anything within eye sight moves, she follows it. The dogs bounding (naughtily) around the couches. Daddy walking into the room. Bringing food from your plate to your mouth. Cars on the road. Even your lips as they move to talk. Anything moving, and she is locked on.

And then, to top everything and just blow us entirely out of the water, the morning of the 23rd, in my constant attempt to get her to smile and giggle, I was 'blowing bubbles' or 'raspberries' or whatever you want to call it when you vibrate your lips together. And then she did it back to me. My mom and I thought it was a fluke until she did it over and over and over. At first she was concentrating so hard, would sometimes forget to let the air through her lips, or her tounge would escape. But she got a pretty good handle on it and we spent the rest of the day spitting at each other. And now, she'll catch your eye and blow bubbles. It is her new trick and she (and her parents) are very proud of it. (And oh how the drool flows while she does it!)



It is so fun and exciting to watch her learn to interact with her environment. This whole growing up thing really works!

2nd Anniversary

People ask if I can believe it has already been two years since that gorgeous, hot day in August when we pledged our love. And while I still remember our wedding day like it was yesterday, I find it hard to believe it's only been two years. I feel like we have always been a part of eachother, not to mention we have packed more things into the last two years than some do in a lifetime.

All I know is I'm looking forward to many, many more years with this man.

I love you, sweet boy. Through sickness, health and just so-so days. For better or for worse. Through being rich, poor, or middle class.Through your faults and mine. Always.

A special thanks to our amazingly kind and thoughtful daughter who blessed us with some of the best gifts this world has to offer. All today, our three month old began cracking up loud and often while we made fools of ourselves copying her. She also gave us a whole two hours, from feeding to feeding, of quiet, content play time on her mat which allowed her Daddy and I some quality, uninterrupted time together. We could hardly believe how long she played by herself. Then to top it all off, she fell asleep on my shoulder without an iota of fuss. That is unheard of. Thanks, Reagan. :)

Three Months

Dear Reagan-

You're three months old today, and I am afraid I'm forgetting how small you were. Yes, yes, I know, you're still only three months old. You're still tiny and wiggly and warm. But I know you were smaller and I'm already struggling to remember it. And that stings a little.

People always say "I can't believe (enter child) is (enter age) already! Where did the time go? Just yesterday..." But I think it's a lie. And until now I could be accused of it myself. But today I realized I can't believe you are only three months old. I feel like you have been here forever. Like for as long as I've been, so have you. That you and Daddy and I have never been separate. Like we are one unit; who has always been and will always be. You just fit so well with us that there are no cracks or space between telling of what used to be. Life without a baby, without you, though only experienced three months ago, is an eternity away. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

You are literally changing daily. One day you began spastically reaching for dangling toys, and today you effortlessly (though very proudly) bat and grab and chew on them.The chew is very recent, and you still haven't quite perfected it. But whenever you grab something, it makes its way towards your mouth. Clothes, blankets, toys, fingers, hair...you name it, it's mouth bound. You actually being able to play is very exciting to me. For selfish reasons, you play in your jumperoo or on your mat for longer periods of time, allowing me to get some things done. But also because I love that you're able to do something. That you have moved passed the sitting and starring blankly to being able to interact with your environment and enjoy it! I am highly anticipating watching you become even more able to play and (gasp!) move around! (Many people gave me the advice to not ever wish movement upon you. But I cannot allow myself to be that selfish. I know you are going to LOVE being able to get where you want to go!)

Speaking of moving, we haven't achieved roll over quite yet. But you are certainly getting close. You are only happy on your belly for minutes at a time, but you are definitely starting to get your muscles working with you. From your back, you can roll to your side. This is your new favorite way to sleep. As soon as I lay you down, usually swaddled, for night you grunt and groan and thrash about until you're poor little head is thrown back, but SUCCESS! You manage to get on your side. Also on your back, you can spin in circles. We'll lay you on your play mat, only to find you minutes later in an entirely different position than we placed you in. I realize this is entirely unintentional, you just don't. ever. stop. moving. You kick and flail and kick and wiggle and kick and arch and kick and kick and kick. And all that movement literally propels you around the floor.

Sleep is somewhat of a sore subject. You take beautiful and sweet to whole new levels while you sleep, but while you're getting there you give Reagan Rage an honest meaning. You fight and fight and fight sleep. It can make for some very frustrating times. Especially because once you have actually fallen asleep (which, of course, you had to be rocked and sung to to get there) you don't want to be put down. Which eliminates naps as a break for me and makes getting anything done besides loving on you (which is my favorite thing anyways) absolutely, sometimes frustratingly, impossible. You have still remained a pretty good nighttime sleeper, rarely fighting sleep at bedtime, but in the last few weeks you have begun waking up twice in the night instead of your typical one time. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I truly don't mind getting up to feed you. But I wouldn't complain about a little more sleep either.

You have achieved the oh-so-typical baby bald spot right smack in the middle of the back of your head. Your hair, or lack there of, in general these days is kind of goofy looking. You have very little on top, some longish hair in the back towards the top, a bald spot, then more longish hair on the bottom in the back. It's a little funky but you manage to pull it off and still look completely adorable, of course.


Over the last few weeks I had been saying I think you finally had gotten some chunk in your cheeks. From day one you have been a little baby. Very petite with small, feminine features. You remained steadfast in the 25th percentile for weight and were just downright little. Don't get me wrong, you are still a pretty little baby. But in a mere 12 weeks, you gained over 5 pounds! That is just crazy to me. At 12 1/2 weeks, you weighed in at 12 pounds 4 ounces! You took a giant leap from the 25th straight up to the 50th percentile for weight! It is hard to believe, though, because you still look like such a little peanut. But a little peanut with some chunk in her cheeks.

Your Daddy and I truly cannot get enough of you. You have begun laughing in a more understandable way (you used to make this low, guttural sound that was clearly you attempting a laugh) and it is the most joyful sound on earth. You usually do it quite a few times in a row, so we're thinking you like the sound of it too.

Reagan, Reagan, Reagan. I knew I was going to love being a mother. I think everyone who knows me knew I would love it. But it is drastically different, amazingly better, and offers more incredible rewards than I could have ever imagined. I thought I knew what love was. And I did, to an extent. Your Daddy and I are giddy in love. But it is an entirely different ball game, the love I have for you. And I hope to God I can show you how immensely, how deeply, I love you. I hope you will never be without that knowledge. And I'm sure at times I will fail. Just know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make me love you more or less. I am so completely enamored by you and this love you have grown within me. Nothing can ever change that.

To the moon and back, my sweet girl.

-Your Mommy

Your Favorite Things

1. Your Puppies. I didn't realize you would take notice to them so quickly, but ohmygoodness you love those crazy beasts. You can sit and stare at them for minutes on end, and anytime one of them comes up to you you are all grins. Bella especially loves you, constantly wanting to give you kisses until Mommy or Daddy yells at her to stop. Baylee procures the most smiles, though. Probably because she's so goofy looking.
2. Your play mat. You still absolutely love this thing. However, looking at the pretty baby in the mirror no longer receives most of the attention. Now, trying to fit as much of that hanging lion in your mouth as possible occupies your time.
3. Water. You LOVE being in water. You shower with me almost daily and you love being under the flow of water. Even when it goes directly on your head and over your face you are as happy as can be. You most definitely take after Mama in this regard. 
4. Your car seat frog toy. Holy cow you love that thing. It is one of the toys that really enticed you to start reaching for things initially. You will sit there and spin and spin and spin those silly toys! You sometimes even complain when the music turns off. Teaching you to press that button is one of the first things on my to-do list.

Sleep

She fights sleep. Always has. I'm afraid she always will.

Sometimes I can't wait for naptime.

For some time to get things I need to get done. Some time to get things I want to get done.

As I rock my tired baby, I sit and contemplate these things.

While she fights.

I sometimes beg her out loud to give in. "Sleep, baby girl. You are exhausted. You'll be much happier after a good, long nap. And Mama can get some things done. A win, win."

She eventually gives in. At least she usually does.

And she is still.

And I sit there watching her, and think about the dishwasher that needs emptying.

And refilling.

The floors that need mopping.

And the toilets that need scrubbing.

I think about the list of thank-you notes I still have to write.

And the stack of medical bills I need to pay.

I watch her chest rise and fall.

And listen to the sound of each breath.

I remember the calls I have to return.

The laundry thats piled high.

And the dinner I promised to make.

I kiss her head.

I run my hand across her cheek.

Then I lay down beside her and breathe in her scent..

And listen to her little sounds.

And I just can't wait for her to wake up.

Our Nights

I hear you moving. The quietest sound coming from your bassinet wakes me up. I love having you next to me. A quick peak tells me you're fine, just stirring. Your tiny feet have broken free of your swaddle. I fall back asleep. Next it's a quiet talk, low and guttural. I check the clock, 1:45 AM. Too early. I pop your binky in and close my eyes. Three more times I put your binky back in and attempt sleep.

Now, the chomping. You sound like a dinosaur going at your hand, quite literally saying 'nom, nom, nom' while you chew, suck, slobber. I check the clock. 2:15. I slowly pull myself to a sitting position, reach over the walls of your bassinet where, when we make eye contact, I'm greeted with a sleepy grin. I pull you to me, breathe in the smell of your head, your check, the crook of your neck. This makes it all worth it. The smell and the warmth and the weight of you makes any hour a decent one.

You nurse as we both drift off. I somehow manage to burp you, change sides, burp again and re-swaddle. I kiss your head for the one millionth time, and lay you back in your bassinet. You don't make so much as a peep.

In three hours we'll do it all over again.

Some nights, as I lay there, exhausted and falling asleep, I wonder how I'll do it. I'm so tired that I'm afraid I wont be able or even want to wake up to feed you. But it never happens. Even though its hard to sit up to feed, even though I barely sty awake while you eat, it never frustrates me. I'm never angry and I don't even wish you were still asleep.

Because I know.

I know it wont be much longer that you'll be sleeping beside me. It wont be much longer that we'll get to cuddle, in the darkness of the dead of night. I know it wont be much longer until you don't fit so perfectly against my naked chest, 'til you're sleeping through the night, no longer breastfeeding.

The second time you wake to eat, I don't put you back in your bassinet. Instead, I hold you nestled in my arm, pressed against my chest while we both sleep for a couple more hours. This started out of necessity for sleep on my part, since you would rarely go back to sleep a second time unless you were held, cuddled up against me. Now I'm not sure if it's more for me or for you.

Our nights aren't full of the best sleep. They're short and choppy, sometimes downright restless. But they're our nights and I wouldn't change them for a thing.

**Sorry about the dark and blurry pictures. They were taken at night/early morning, and as you can imagine, its pretty dark. I lightened them a bit in Photoshop so you can at least see them a bit :)**